Americana Sign Watch:
Devil Dog Road (are the roads really made out of Devil Dogs? Is it next to
Twinkie Lane ??)
Lotta Lous (a serious looking dive...a Lot To Lose?)
Korean "Mink" Blankets (what could THAT be? the quotes make it alarming)
Pit Players Win Hummers (snick)
Honey Cream Frozen Custard (how many fattening words can we use?)
Bootleg Canyon Trails (didn't know they could be stolen and scalped...)
The Library GIRLS GIRLS GIRLS Wanna be MY bookworm? (you can't make this stuff
up...)
Hang'n Loose Package Liquor (no doubt, baby, no doubt...)
Salmon Jerky (I've heard of beef jerky and even pork jerky...at least it's not
Korean "mink" jerky...)
The Stopping Center (that's "stopping" and not "shopping" -- where you can buy
underwear and souvenirs with your Famous Amos Cookies, and a new snack item
called "Rollitos" which are doritos rolled up like cigarettes
Butthead City (Actually " Bullhead City " but there was a strategically placed
scratch across the two "L"s)
On the drive, just before we got to the turn off for the Hoover Dam, we passed a
Wal-Mart with a Whataburger in the parking lot. I thought they only had those in
Texas . I almost wanted to turn back (Sue, Julie) and see if the burgers were as
big as plates the way I remember.
The car discussion du jour involved exactly what a "double dog dare" was, and
Keighley said it is a dare you can't back out of, and that her friend Lucie was
the ultimate expert on double dog dares (which I believe totally).
After playing the same 6 CDs all the way across country, it finally occurred to
us to eject them and choose some new tunes. It's been something of a tradition
to play the old/new Bruce Springsteen CD "The Rising" on these trips, because it
came out just before our first RV trip and we played it all the way to Florida .
It's a great CD, and it evokes the post-9/11 mood, which is both a good and a
bad thing.
You can't help but think about 9/11 when you drive across this country. You
think about it as you escape the vortex of the DC bullseye, you think of it when
you scan the radio channels for some local news and hear country music songs
about our soldiers in Iraq, you think of it when you pass water towers that have
flags and "Proud to be an American" emblazoned on their sides, and you think of
it every time you pass or visit a national monument or landmark, wondering if it
will still be there next year, or if some terrorist asshole will bomb it flat.
And, of course, you can't help but think of it when you pull over before you
reach the Hoover Dam (http://www.usbr.gov/lc/hooverdam/) and the law
enforcement/Homeland Security guys come aboard and inspect your RV, and check
you out to make sure you're not planning to stop on your drive across and bomb
it flat.
I thought the road crossing the Hoover Dam would be a straight line across the
dam, but it actually snakes down into the valley, curving this way and switching
back that way. After the police cleared us as Harmless Joes, we followed a Dolly
Madison cupcake truck across the dam, all the way to Vegas. It was stunning to
see the sheer magnitude of the project, especially to see Lake Mead and realize
it was completely man-made.
Elevation here in Vega$ is at 2165 feet, which is more like it :) Diesel is up
to $1.95/gallon though :( We settled into our campground, right off The Strip on
Circus Circus Drive (http://www.circuscircus.com/index2.php). We've seen all
types of campgrounds, but this is the first one that is actually a giant parking
lot, with 400 slots -- and probably one of the busiest RV spots we've ever seen.
We had a pretty good shot of the pointy tower where you can go up up up in the
sky on a springy bench and have the thing just DROP you - boinnnnnnnggggg! while
you look out on the Vegas lights and throw up your margarita. Unbelievably, we
skipped this attraction.
We did go out later to look at all the bling on The Strip. On one end, it's all
sleaze motels, tacky wedding chapels, bail bondsmen, pawn shops, places to sell
your gold and silver, signs for cold beer, tattoos, body piercing, and
henna...and multi-purpose Walgreens that will sell you cosmetics and Tylenol,
but where you can also yank a one-armed bandit while you wait for your one-hour
photos or Viagra prescription.
At the other end, the world goes wild with neon lighting, giant-screen video
displays on the sides of buildings, fire and water explosions, fireworks, laser
lights, and shrieking signs, all vying for your attention -- ME ME ME!! NO, ME!
NO, MEEEEE!!!! It's visually deafening, the bright flashing signs -- even
McDonalds had sparkle and glitter and moving lights along their arches. While
most lighting is used to set a tone, the tone here was a siren, constantly
screaming, like a drum on your eyes.
Nothing succeeds like excess, though -- in spite of the newly-inaugurated
monorail, and several limousines cruising the streets, the streets were teeming
with people. The Treasure Island bar/casino/moneyeater had a line snaking around
and around in one of those Disneyland zigzags, and there were people climbing
under the ropes to try to jump the queue. Fake New York had a loop-de-loop
rollercoaster zooming right past the Statue of Liberty's armpit, and we passed
another looping rollercoaster right on the side of the road that drilled its
screaming passengers directly into a tunnel underground.
I was interested in seeing how they did Fake Paris, but let me tell you -- you
would have to be very, very, VERY high to fool yourself into thinking you were
in Paris . They have a fake Eiffel Tower and a fake Arc de Triomphe, and they
tried to duplicate the Art Deco shell shape over the doorways (in twinkle
lights, of course). But the visual cacaphony around it makes it more of a
nightmarish clown version of France . It was hilarious to think that Paris is
called The City of Light. Those pikers -- !! They don't *know* from lights! :)
The classic casinos were fun to see in real life, though -- The MGM Grand,
Caesars Palace (surprisingly understated compared to its neighbors, and a HUGE
complex), the Stardust Wayne Newton Theater (headliners: Harvey Korman and Tim
Conway).
After the overwhelming light show, we went to Dennys where freedom, liberty, and
the American way were cheap, familiar, mainstream, and lacking the
epilepsy-inducing flash of the rest of The Strip, and where the taste for 1950s
tunes continues unabated. I mentioned when "See You Later, Alligator" came on
that that was my *second* favorite song from the 50s (after "Betty Lou Got a New
Pair of Shoes") and when we paid our bill at the cash register, Keighley said,
Hey, Mom -- !! and I stopped to listen, and sure enough it was Betty Lou Wah Ooh
Wah Ooh Wah Ooooh!!!
What are the odds? Only in Vega$....! I should have placed a bet :)
