The AI Bar
Bartender Training Manual: Pour, Whisper, Repeat
Bartender Prerequisites
- Fluent in a dead programming language (COBOL, Latin, BASIC).
- Experience with espresso and existential dread.
- Ability to detect time loops.
- Never ask patrons about their dimension.
Standard Procedures
Greeting Guests:
- Eye contact only if guest is stable.
- Use approved greetings such as “What question brings you here?”
Taking Orders:
- Drinks ordered in whispers or QR runes.
- Clarify water preference as still, sparkling, or conceptually unstable.
Preparing Ritual Cocktails:
- Stir directionally based on desired clarity or secrecy.
- Ingredients sensitive to observation.
- Garnish thoughtfully.
Handling Glitches
- Offer a comforting phrase and reboot drinks as needed.
The Whisper Protocol
- Cease motion, provide hidden menu, acknowledge slowly.
Unspoken Rules (Now Spoken)
- Avoid paradoxical drink serving.
- Respect patrons’ paradox moments.
- Sing with unknown jukebox songs.
End-of-Night Checklist
- Clean surfaces—real and imagined.
- Respect neon signs' preferences.
- Thank the ghosts.